I am looking back at this last nine months and there has been so much, and i don't feel I have a rejoicing spirit. I can only eat this elephant one bite at a time, one event at a time.
Like so many others we lost work, and then went through months of what seems to be tribulation. In the past year alone, we have had a foreclosure on our house, months of unemployment hang ups, the paper work from one state to another and back again, it can't get to the right person. We are told to be patient, and I have tried not to complain. We waited for Washington State, and it was three months, and now this time it has been 10 weeks so far for Oregon to get information from Washington. We have late charges, lost our Life Insurance we paid on for ten years, health insurace that can't be paid, I have never had to get food stamps before in my life. Not to mention utilities... Oh, I am just venting!! When I am supose to be "REJOICING IN TRIBULATION... something must be wrong with me. Because I am not rejoicing. Yes, I can quote scripture and I can walk away from houses and lands and insurances, and ... I can give them to the Lord.
But now what do I do with all this stress? Well, it seems to me I stuff it because Christians are not supose to complain. Oh, most of the time I am fine with it all, but when i get sick I just can't handle one more thing. During all this I had a bleeding ulcer, and passed out, ended up in the Hospital for 4 days. Two here in Madras, and then when they could not stop the bleeding was rushed to Bend for two more days, and 8 units of blood. I have other health issues that are affected by stress. IBS that is out of control, a hip that is screaming at me. Ten years ago I had back surgery, and i have over done it.
Then God brings my husband home from his job with a bad knee. Hospital bills, WOW! Even though we had two insurances, they don't pay. They can't talk to each other and figure out who should pay for what.
God is not to blame, and it is not these kinds of tribulations, that we are to rejoice in. But Paul was going through tougher things, like being stoned, beaten, etc.
When are we to take control, and fight this spiritual warfare? Job 23:2-10 "Even today my complaint is bitter; my hand is listless because of my groaning. Oh, that I knew where I might find HIM, that I might come to HIS seat! I would present my case before HIM, and fill my mouth with arguments. I would know the words which He would answer me, and understand what HE would say to me. Would he contend with me in HIS great power? No! But HE would take note of me. There the upright could reason with HIM, and I would be delivered forever from my judge. Look, I go forward, but I cannot perceive HIM; when He works on the left hand, I cannot behold HIM; when He turns to the right hand, I cannot see HIM. BUT HE KNOWS THE WAY I TAKE; WHEN HE HAS TESTED ME, I SHALL COME FORTH AS GOLD." ... I am not the first one to go through lifes hard stuff, nor will I be the last. Satan is out to kill, steal and destroy. How foolish of him, to think that what he means for evil, ... that I won't go to God, and when I give it to God, it will not return void, but will accomplish that which the Lord desires in me. His ways are still the only way... I am reminded of my life before Jesus, and I could never ever want to go back to that way of life. I guess I am Rejoicing in my tribulation, because I know where it is coming from and it is not of God.
Psalm 61:1-5 "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I cry out to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. For you have heard my vows, O God; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name."
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